A lot has changed from last year to now. Exactly a year from now I was hospitalized for the second time.
Even though, I have had some bumps in the road since i left my last hospitalization at Mcleans in Belmont Ma; which was in the end of february. I can say I have changed a lot. I made some great accomplishments, seen some cool things, made some good friends and unraveled some things I didn’t know about myself. For example that i have a good eye for color.
Mental illness is still something i struggle with and is a daily battle, but, suicide and self harm is not a daily thought or activity (referring to self harm) anymore.
Being comfortable with my lonesome self is something i still need to work on as well as being able to say no and not being easily influenced.
The struggle of drugs and substance has been a challenge but i’m starting to put my foot down and tell myself “I’m stronger than any substance, i’m better than that”. I have progressed my love for art and been told I had a talent for it.
I’m still lost in what I want to do when i’m older which launches into the fear I have that I will never make my mind up what I want to do.
Even though I am enrolled in a gap year program (like I said in my first post) that helps figure what you want to do but I feel like this program more so helped me figured myself as a person and to learn from my mistakes than it did for what i want to major in.
I have caused a little chaos with my behaviors that got myself into talking with the assistant director (who is also my advisor) and the director of Dynamy.
I am realising that drugs and alcohol is not a coping skill or something to mess with. Especially with having ADHD and other learning disabilities.
I’m continuing to learn and better myself and figure things out.
life is like a maze, it can fuck you up, you get lost, run into dead ends, go the wrong way at times but, there’s always a way out.
A year ago I never thought I would be where I am today. I use to think I wouldn’t be able to graduate but I did.
I use to think I couldn’t get into any colleges but I got into all six of the ones applied to with scholarships.
I use to think I had no talent yet I made an art piece that people were wowed by and said I could sell it if I wanted too. I also wrote a poem that a lot of people liked.
I’m still not where I want to be but I’m on my way. I’m continuing to explore the world and see the beauty the world has to offer.
I hope to impact my story with others and keep making the world a better place. I wanna make people happy and make myself happy too. That’s why i’m still alive and pushing myself to be the best I can be.
If you ever find yourself lost in the “maze” look up and know there is a way out of it you just gotta use your good judgement, maybe mess up a few times but eventually you will be on the way to the finish line (success).
This is the big Master piece I made that was displayed in my school’s art show.