A poem I wrote: Unmask

wander

my mind is euphoric

people venting to me

saying stuff to me

using me as their guide

but i’m fragile

my mind

my body

is prone to break, eventually

stable

i’m just speaking my mind,

letting the words flow

it’s like two people were dragging my hands in two different directions

someone yelling in fury

making a fit

teachers pointing fingers like he’s the one to blame

when he’s just being misunderstood

express

I know from first hand

that kid use to be me

but just because he expresses anger in a outbursts way

doesn’t mean he is anger

nostalgic

Emotions don’t define people,

people telling me things I don’t want to hear

that just leads to drama

karma

real eyes realize real lies

i’m just speaking my mind

letting the words flow

people try to throw me around saying you should be like that

or like this

you should do this not that

I am me

control

saying no is my weakness

but it’s my poison

nature is my home

the world’s home

air is good for you

inhale it

this poem is just me speaking my mind

words

use your bad experiences to make good ones

dream

explore the world

do one thing that scares you everyday

it will change your perspective

imagine

anger is energy take advantage of it to do something productive

when you think there’s no way out

it’s all in your head

ground yourself

get underneath those thoughts that seem to be facts

and let them out

cope

everyone has flaws

don’t hide them

flaunt them

you wouldn’t be “you” without them

laugh

but i’m just speaking my mind

I usually mask my feelings

and my flaws

and i’m scared

and I worry

but today everything is different

unmask….

 

A poem I wrote: Unmask

Reflect

A lot has changed from last year to now. Exactly a year from now I was hospitalized for the second time.

Even though, I have had some bumps in the road since i left my last hospitalization at Mcleans in Belmont Ma; which was in the end of february. I can say I have changed a lot. I made some great accomplishments, seen some cool things, made some good friends and unraveled some things I didn’t know about myself. For example that i have a good eye for color.

Mental illness is still something i struggle with and is a daily battle, but, suicide and self harm is not a daily thought or activity (referring to self harm) anymore.

Being comfortable with my lonesome self is something i still need to work on as well as being able to say no and not being easily influenced.

The struggle of drugs and substance has been a challenge but i’m starting to put my foot down and tell myself “I’m stronger than any substance, i’m better than that”. I have progressed my love for art and been told I had a talent for it.

I’m still lost in what I want to do when i’m older which launches into the fear I have that I will never make my mind up what I want to do.

Even though I am enrolled in a gap year program (like I said in my first post) that helps figure what you want to do but I feel like this program more so helped me figured myself as a person and to learn from my mistakes than it did for what i want to major in.

I have caused a little chaos with my behaviors that got myself into talking with  the assistant director (who is also my advisor) and the director of Dynamy.

I am realising that drugs and alcohol is not a coping skill or something to mess with. Especially with having ADHD and other learning disabilities.

I’m continuing to learn and better myself and figure things out.

life is like a maze, it can fuck you up, you get lost, run into dead ends, go the wrong way at times but, there’s always a way out.

A year ago I never thought I would be where I am today. I use to think I wouldn’t be able to graduate but I did.

I use to think I couldn’t get into any colleges but I got into all six of the ones applied to with scholarships.

I use to think I had no talent yet I made an art piece that people were wowed by and said I could sell it if I wanted too. I also wrote a poem that a lot of people liked.

I’m still not where I want to be but I’m on my way. I’m continuing to explore the world and see the beauty the world has to offer.

I hope to impact my story with others and keep making the world a better place. I wanna make people happy and make myself happy too. That’s why i’m still alive and pushing myself to be the best I can be.

If you ever find yourself lost in the “maze” look up and know there is a way out of it you just gotta use your good judgement, maybe mess up a few times but eventually you will be on the way to the finish line (success).

 

This is the big Master piece I made that was displayed in my school’s art show.

IMG_6274

Reflect

The Start

Hey everyone I am starting a blog. Why? because it is a good way to express myself. Also,I hope to impact others through my writing and to improve my writing. I am currently  interning at Worcester magazine (which is more like a newspaper than a magazine). That captures all the current events in Worcester and central Ma. It is a pretty well known magazine in Worcester and the central Ma area. I enjoy it but it is a challenge because i’m not use to the type of writing the magazine is formatted which is news- writing. I am enrolled in a gap year program located in Worcester called Dynamy. I live in my own apartment and do internships. This program is to better yourself, learn how to live on your own and experience the experience of having a job (more advanced than being a cashier or a wait staff and etc.). My last internship was over at Girl’s Inc; an all girls after-school program. I worked with the peeps they are the youngest girls; ranges from kindergarten to 2nd grade. It was fun but a lot of work. In the fall I will be attending Colby swayer college. I had a lot going on my senior year and I knew I wasn’t ready to start the college life. So, thats why I am doing a gap year program. What I hope to get out of this blog is be able to have a voice and express myself and unravel the things I usually hold back. I hope you enjoy reading my blog!IMG_7834

The Start